A third map

The capital city of Lyria is a city called Fennica. I'm well aware that a lot of my place names end with an 'a'. Something to iron out. Anyway, it can be found here and it is intricate to say the least. I owe quite a lot to a program I downloaded from this site and it was initially a pain to use. Once I played with it a bit and modified the results through Photoshop I had a very serviceable map. I'm not going to be adding more to it until I've written something, as I didn't want to tie myself down just yet, but I think the time has come to write something for definite, even if it's just character profiles. Expect something this evening or tomorrow morning.

Bookwise, I've recently finished The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes on the Kindle. It's pretty good; some of what I'd consider to be the lesser-known stories simply because the enormously popular ones are the ones that get rolled out time and time again. It was very enjoyable and some of the amazing feats of deduction were very interesting to read. It's a little disappointing, in some ways, that some of the deductions are truly impossible for the reader to follow; I enjoy a story where I can try and work out what's going on in my own head before the story gets there, or at least make an educated guess. A lot of the Holmes stories seem to rely on the smudge of black ink on the thumb of the man who came to call three days ago that we just didn't know about. Very enjoyable though, and free!

New World

I've decided to start planning a new world to set stories in. It's going to be called Ehrian, and it's already fairly-well formed in my head. Made up of five countries, Ehrian is basically circular with an enormous tree in the middle. You can see the map of Ehrian here and I have to say I'm quite proud of that map. It took me a good six hours to do in Photoshop basically from scratch while watching episodes of Flashforward. That was two days ago.

Yesterday I decided to make a second map, using the first as a template, and here is the result: Lyria, one of the five countries of Ehrian. It's got a capital, Fennica, and it's going to be the setting for a story I'm tentatively calling Poisonroot. More when I have more, as it were.

100 Themes 025 - Trouble Lurking

Ok, so I had this idea and then decided to fit it around one of the 100 themes. I don't know if the result's any better, but it certainly gave the piece a little bit of structure. The tone's different too; negative theme, so negative tone.

On other news, I lost all the planning I did for this year's NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month. I will still be taking part, though. My ideas must not have been that good, as I've not had an urge to rewrite either of them... still, I like the peacock riders idea. Might work on that.

I'm reading a textbook at the moment, and therefore am in no mood to review a book :D So, here's another 100 theme. Interestingly, I got up early and wrote this before 7.30 in the morning! Rarity for me, if you know what I'm like. I'm usually dead to the world before then, and after then too.


 I had this idea after someone said the word 'satisfactory' and they were complaining about how it only just sounded 'good'. As a teacher, 'satisfactory' is ok, 'good' is better and the best is 'outstanding' when it comes to being marked on our performance. The alternative is 'unsatisfactory'. But it's still a harsh word.

Anyway, this guy works in the SatisFactory. Makes you wonder what the UnSatisFactory working conditions are like, huh?

100 Themes 024 - No Time

Cards on the table-time; this is the first thinking I've done on a long piece of fiction I'm thinking of writing. Something a bit more dramatic than previous things, and better-planned. A family drama, I think it's called; three brothers, two sons, one crown, that sort of tagline. That's not bad, actually. Let me just write that down...

Anyway, there's going to be lions and peacocks being ridden, and bits in the first person, bits in third; it'll be a blast.

Oh, and I've been practising writing in the first person :D

100 Themes 023 - Cat

Now then. I've just got a cat with my darling wife Susan, and I could have written a smushy thing about him. Pfft.

This one is a play on a few things. The picture they're talking about exists; I don't really like it, and Sue does. I have one she doesn't like, so we hang them both, or neither. Fair, see? The smells Cat likes, I like, but she's not me; I just wanted to have a character that liked some of the same things I liked so that I could write about liking them. Selfish, yes.
This isn't based on any reality; Sue and I were never at Uni together, I don't know anyone that's done anything like this... it's just a nice thing based on a few real things. One or two truths in a big pack of lies, I guess. I've been told to 'write what I know'; this has some things I know in it.

100 Themes 022 - Mother Nature

I make no bones about this; Mother Nature, or Mrs Henson, owes a lot to Stephen King for her existence. I recently finished watching The Stand again, something I encountered in my early teens as a four-part serial, then read. Mother Abagail (I believe that's how it's spelt) is a wonderful voice in my head, a deep South bible bashin' ol' black woman, she won't take no nonsense but if you think you gon' put one over her you got another thing comin'. And so on.

I hope she comes across. There's a certain amount of Day of the Triffids in there too.

Oh, and while I think about it; this represents the start of something. Wonder if you can spot it :D

100 Themes 021 - Vacation

I... don't deal well with enforced relaxation. In fact, I hate it. That's why my writing output goes down when the holidays are on. As a teacher, it's hard to get around the Summer holidays. How Erik feels in this is pretty much spot-on.

Erik von Nesslinger was a character created for a forum RPG a while ago. I recently toyed with resurrecting him but, thinking about it, he's fucking whack; I mean, he's Sean Connery in my head, with a sniping crossbow; what fun is that? The physics of that alone is impossible, the idea that you could have a crossbow that was accurate over a long enough distance to make sniping possible. Unless someone wishes to correct me, Erik will never see the light of day (and now I feel like a kidnapper with a hostage).

100 Themes 020 - Fortitude

This was a toughie. I played with a couple of ideas, and this fell out; it's not great, so I'll stop talking and let you read it :D

100 Themes 019 - Gray

A long-running thing. Americans, why must you spell it differently?

100 Themes 018 - Rainbow

I was trying something here; writing without planning. Yes, it's writing a myth as well. But the Mother character has just sat down and is telling this story, or at least that's how I wanted it to come across. There are holes in it, because it's not planned, and she finishes it rather hastily because she's fed up, maybe, or the child wants to sleep. I'm quite pleased with it, as simplistic as it is.

100 Themes 017 - Blood

My first thought on looking at this theme was 'Oh god, not vampires'. There seemed to be so many clichés when it came to blood. It runs thicker than water. The rivers run red with it. It always tells, etc etc. Dripping blood, puddles of blood, violence. At time of writing, my capital city, London, is undergoing riots for no apparent reason, and I'm sure there is blood being shed. It's appalling.


This is no less melancholy, but I tried to write it slightly light-heartedly. This person, I feel, is practical about such matters, and knows it would be silly to grieve overlong.

100 Themes 016 - Questioning

I debated doing lots of things with that theme, 'questioning', but then this crawled out of somewhere. It's pretty horrible, if I say so myself, and though I could have strung it out longer, I needed to end it. I knew where it was going anyway ^^

100 Themes 015 - Silence

I had a really long comment in here but the broadband in Starbucks swallowed it. So you don't get it. Sorry!

100 Themes 014 - Smile

Had lots of fun with this one, it's broken in the head. A lot of my stuff is at the minute :D Not sure why, but it's fun!

100 Themes 013 - Misfortune

This is an idea I've had rattling round for ages, and I'm not certain this does it justice. Basically, there are two girls in America who are different people, but joined at the hip, literally. What they do is spectacular, driving cars fluidly, that sort of thing. Amazing.


But is it a threesome if they have sex? They've only got one set of sex organs, y'know? What if one's a lesbian? Are they bisexual by default? Is masturbation lesbian sex?


So here's my version; not about them, because they're real people, but about two boys with the same issues...

100 Themes 012 - Insanity

This one was just silliness, I suppose.

100 Themes 011 - Memory

I've been without reliable internet recently. Moved house, that's why, and damned internet companies take so long to connect you. I guess I should have gotten onto it quicker. Anyway, here are a few stories.

100 Themes 010 - Breathe Again

I couldn't think of this in any way but the most violent. It's not very long; it IS only a vignette, though.

100 Themes 009 - Drive

"You have to want to do it. It won't just come to you."
I sat in my seat, trying not to be noticed. The seats were plastic, linked together in rows of about forty. How had I ended up right in the middle of the room?
"If you don't have the drive to get what you want in life, how do you think it will happen?"
He was about fifty, lights shining off his bald head, stalking back and forth over the stage. His energy was obviously meant to be catching, but… seriously?
"I started out like you! I started out simply dreaming about the things I want, never imagining that they'd be mine! And now look-"
A screen came to life behind him, images projected onto it. The speaker in a fast car. On a boat. Surrounded by women. On a… was that a gold jet-ski?
"All the things I wanted in life. And they're mine."
So, Mr Motivational Speaker, how did you get them? While you dramatically pause to let the significance of this sink in, let's review. I'm forty. My wife left me for a younger, richer man; I'm an alcoholic and my job's counselling service sent me here. But this is just embarrassing.
"And, you're thinking, how did I get all of this?" Yup. "Well, for the low, low price of $39.99 a month, I'll send you my magazine, 'The Drive To Succeed' in which you'll find all of the tips you need to end up just like me!"
Ah. There it was; the hook baited, the stick holding the carrot dipping into view. He splutters out one or two more exhortations and leaves the stage to rapturous applause. People begin to leave. I don't make eye contact with any of them.
I get to the door, nearly the last one to leave. No rush. Nothing to do when I get back, after all.
"Sir! Will you be signing up?" It's the speaker. He's standing holding a pad of forms and a pen. I look at them.
"It's a cheap price, buddy; tomorrow, it's double that."
What the hell. I sign.

100 Themes 008 - Innocence

I love twisting these, but this one twisted itself; what would happen if, in the future, to be innocent was a crime in itself?

100 Themes 007 - Heaven

It was a cold day in Hell, and Uriel could feel it. Fallen only lately, punished for staring down human women’s tops, he was shivering so much that feathers were drifting from his wings to land on the snow.

He hugged his knees to his chest, his night-dress gown not holding the heat in at all; a thin dribble of snot worked its way down his pointy nose, mingling with the residue of many tears.

The crunching of feet on the snow brought him back to reality, and, wiping his face, he stood up. A demon was coming. It was short and round, a hooked bird’s beak with tentacles for hair. It stopped in front of him and coughed, politely covering its mouth with one fin.

“Good evening,” it said. Its voice was like jelly disappearing into a meat grinder.

“Um, hello,” Uriel said.

“First time?”

Uriel frowned. There was a second time? “Uh, yes, first time. I came from, you know, the other place.”

“Ah. One of those.” The creature stuck out a chitinous appendage and Uriel gently shook it. The grip was firm. “I’m Syzygys, by the way,” it said.

“Uriel.”

They stood for a moment, Uriel now realising that he could no longer feel his bare feet, and wondering at what point frostbite would start to set in. He cleared his throat.

“So, Hell. I thought it would be, y’know, warmer.”

“Ah, well, people – humans, I mean – often say that they’ll do things when Hell freezes over. In the end, the boss figured it was easier to force their hand this way. What’s Heaven like?”

The angel’s head filled with golden images of blistering heat, eternal peace, as much food as he could eat and the hours playing chess in the evening with all of the female angels.

“It’s…” he began, then paused and let a slow smile play over his lips. “It’s shit.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s hot, I mean, we’re talking about the heat of a thousand thousand suns here. See this golden skin? That’s the only way we don’t burn to a crisp. Reflective, see.” Syzygys nodded his head as Uriel carried on.

“There’s no sex. All-you-can-eat means that we all watch our weight. There’s a branch of Weight Watchers in Heaven, y’know? And it’s just boring. No conflict. There’s a newspaper, but it just prints headlines like “No news again today. Sorry.”

“Ah.” Syzygys shrugged his massive shoulders and a pair of technicolour wings flapped out. Uriel stared up in admiration.

“Those are amazing. Is that a part of you? The colour, I mean?”

The demon laughed, and shook his head. “When I came down here, I had ones just like yours. You got to learn to live a little, y’know?” He clapped Uriel on the shoulder, and began to lead him away. “I know this place, Uri, they’ll do you any pattern in any colour, and it’s all completely reversible…”

Arm in arm with the demon, the fallen angel took his first steps into Hell. He was going to like it here.

100 Themes 006 - Break Away

This has always amused me :D I've often wondered why the Gherkin looks that way, and this is the answer. Pfft, yeah.

100 Themes 005 - Seeking Solace

Another piece of writing. Not enough work being done on the editing at the moment, but I'm up to Chapter 15, over two-thirds of the way through. I've also just been offered a full time job from the place I'm currently contracted to and I hope to start with them soon :D


Here's another piece of flash-fiction to tide everyone over.

100 Themes 004 - Dark

“Bah,” Joe moaned, “there’s only dark chocolate in the cupboard. I hate dark chocolate.” I tried to hold my serious face as I watched this six-year old screw his face up and stick his tongue out. His freckles stood out on his pale face, rapidly blending in as the blood rushed to his cheeks.

“Joe, you’re going to have to put up with it. That’s life; we can’t always have what we want, and sometimes we have to make do with second best.”

“Did you do that with Daddy?”

Just like that, the whole conversation changed. Children have a habit of doing things like that, I guess.

“What makes you say that, little one?”

His head went down, flaming hair staring me in the face, sullen. “Dunno.”

I picked him up under the arms and swung him over to the sofa. We plonked down, him all over me and I tickled him mercilessly. He always was ticklish, and a breathless minute later he was sat holding my arms away from him, still giggling. I moved him onto a more comfortable part of my legs.

“Your Daddy and I love each other very much, Joe. You know that, right?”

“Yup!”

“Really, yeah? We just… sometimes adults don’t agree on everything, like you don’t with your friends, and-“

“He makes you cry when you argue.” He was so matter-of-fact about it, but things are so clear-cut when you’re a child, aren’t they?

“It’s important that you know we love each other, Joe. And you love us both, right?”

“I love you, Mum,” and he hugged me so tightly that I couldn’t speak, not even past the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat.

New Webcomic Site Goes Live

My wife and I are very pleased to announce that our new webcomic site, <a href="http://www.beansandbustickets.com">Beans and Bus Tickets</a>  is up and running. After we lost our original domain, Two Sides Wide, we were offline for a long time, but now we've gathered all of our published material in one place. All of Two Sides Wide, all the Guest Comics, all of Tiny Sides Wide, our manga short comics and, coming soon, a new webcomic exclusive to the site! 

100 Themes 003 - Light

I take perverse pleasure in twisting the themes' meaning.


Not much writing this week, I've got full-time work and it's knackering. Tremendously rewarding though!

100 Themes 002 - Love

Another piece to warm up with.  I enjoyed playing Portal, and Portal 2; there's a comic called Lab Rat which is well worth reading through. Not very long, and can be found here http://www.thinkwithportals.com/comic/

100 themes 001 - Introduction

I've decided to make use of a writing thing to help me warm up into my writing. It's one of the 100 Themes Challenges from deviantArt, and I'll be posting them here. It's not edited or anything, barely even checked through. Just something to warm up with.


001 - Introduction

The Grass is Always Greener

I've moved to this blog for my writing, as the previous one was focussed entirely on one project, whereas I've produced a lot more than that over the last year and a bit. So this blog will be dedicated to all my writing, and also for typing up things I've learned through writing.




To get things going, here's a short story that I'm trying to get published. It starts in a decidedly rural setting, but soon descends into a mix of sci-fi, mild horror and a keen thread of black comedy.